Dear Santa, It’s 1971, and I Have Some Needs

Dear Santa,

This year, I would like a record player, Gnip Gnop, a slide projector, a canopy bed, Spiro-Graph, a space hopper, a set of Klackers, the Concentration game, and a new fashion sense, preferably one that doesn’t combine a Native American headdress from a Cherokee, N.C. gift shop with a plaid wool jumper … and porkchop sideburns.