Apparently Lifetime didn’t get the memo that Dixie Carter DIED. Or, like my sister, maybe the folks at Lifetime get their news from Jon Stewart and had to learn of Carter’s passing on this blog.
So, Lifetime, if you’re paying attention at all, you might want to consider that fewer than 48 hours after Dixie Carter left this earth, you chose not to run a “Designing Women” marathon and instead broadcast this lineup:
8 a.m.–Reba, “Ring-a-Ding (Part 2)”
8:30 a.m.–Reba, “Cookies for Santa”
9 a.m. — Reba, “As Is”
9:30 a.m.–Reba, “And God Created Van” (Four consecutive episodes? That’s confidence right there)
10 a.m.–Frasier, “High Crane Drifter”
10:30 a.m.–Frasier, “Chess Pains”
11 a.m.–Will & Grace, “I Never Promised You an Olive Garden”
11:30 a.m.–Will & Grace, “Tea & a Total Lack of Sympathy”
Noon–Wife Swap, “High priestess wife swaps with slave wife”
1 p.m.–Wife Swap, “Spacey wife swaps with over-burdened wife” (Julia Sugarbaker would have never allowed this show to make it to production)
2 p.m.–Army Wives (Are you kidding me?)
3 until 6 p.m.–back-to-back episodes of Desperate Housewives (Julia Sugarbaker would have thrown the TV through the wall at this point)
6 until 9 p.m.–back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy (No comment)
9 p.m.–Patricia Cornwall’s “At Risk,” followed by even more Army Wives at 11 p.m.
If something isn’t done about this by week’s end, that ground-shaking, thunderous noise you will hear will be Dixie Carter, rolling over in her grave. Mercy.
For posterity’s sake, one final Julia Sugarbaker quote:
I’m saying this is the South. And we’re proud of our crazy people. We don’t hide them up in the attic. We bring ’em right down to the living room and show ’em off. See, Phyllis, no one in the South ever asks if you have crazy people in your family. They just ask what side they’re on.
(And if you just muttered “both” to yourself, then you: a) have seen this particular episode, or b) are being honest, or c) both.)